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Michael

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The Worst Manager Ever [Jun. 2nd, 2007|03:31 am]
Michael
[mood |angryangry]

Not me. The other head clerk I worked with, RaShawn. I can't write much since my pizza is gonna be done in 1.37 minutes. But I am FURIOUS because this dude does NOTHING! I had to clear off the lot at 1:20am cause he didn't have the other bagger doe it. He didn't do a damn thing!!!! I wrote the NASTIEST note to my store manager Tom today..man will he be surprised since I'm usually nice and cordial in my notes to him. I'm sick of people who have no motivation and no initiative. Ok. dinner/breakfast is done. Will write more tomorrow.

Oh. And still haven't heard from him.
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Three years has come to this [Jun. 1st, 2007|02:45 am]
Michael
[mood |gloomygloomy]
[music |'Walk Away Renee" The Four Tops]

Ok here we go again...another entry about Devin. My friend Katye in Texas is all in love with this guy *unnamed* who is involved with some other woman...and I'm in love with a guy who may not want to be mine. Yes. I'm in love. I have to be honest with myself. Over three years me and Devin have known each other. Met one night. Went on a semi-date. Went on a date. Kissed on the mountaintop in Boulder which was ecstaticly wonderful. And where I nearly killed us by almost driving off the mountain. Lost touch. Met him again. Went to movies. Lost touch. Met again at his work. Went with him to see friends (June 29, 2005). Lost touch. Met up again sometime. Lost touch. Met again. First had sex...incredible. Now every time we hang out, we have sex. But it's passionate, wild, raw energy that's translated as 'you're so hot and i like you so much and i want you bad' between us. What does it mean? You find someone that you like CONTINUOUSLY, not just someone you meet, like and then it goes away...as what always happens to me. You keep in sort of distant touch, and when you meet, you both know you like each other. But you can't keep in constant touch. In between meetings, your life goes on. Yet it's like nothing has changed...like you're simply picking up where you left off last. That's how it is between me and Devin. And after each time we hang out, that yearning, that passion, that LOVE for him grows. So I finally did it. I wrote him an email not stating that I'm in love with him. But I made it clear I wanted to step it up to a relationship. Not a hot and heavy relationship...even I am not ready to commit to that after the fiascos I have had. I told him we could keep it like we have it...yet we would both not look for anyone else. So we'd have a formal, yet informal relationship...a kind of slower, casual dating experience. Even though the history on us is kind of serious...I mean it's been years. Now I am waiting for the reply. He knows I am sending him some type of email...I am just unsure if he's read it. And now I am scared. Scared of rejection. Yet I can't message/call him and vice versa and wonder whether he will be with someone else...or possibly he might want me for more and I will be involved. I don't want to gamble anymore. So it's culminated to this...I want to and need to step it up. I need to know whether we are heading somewhere. If not...I can't waste my feelings and be in love with someone I will never have. This has me so wound up. I'm highly emotional. I feel like crying...so close. If I get a negative answer...guys I don't know what I will do. I've been in a depression, arose from it...and I will surely sink back hard. How can one person care for another so much?? I hate this...waiting for a response that will make or break me. I can't even prepare for a negative answer. I usually prepare for the worst in anything. But I can't now no matter how I try. I will simply lose it if the negative happens...lose it bad. When I think about it, I want to break down. And the response hasn't even come. I don't know how I've managed to get so wound up around this guy...but now I've gotta know where and if it's going somewhere. Hopefully I will soon find out.
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(no subject) [Apr. 14th, 2007|03:46 pm]
Michael
Omg I have so much to talk about, but I've been loaded with schoolwork and then I've been the closer all this week. But I can't wait to write in here...it's mostly work news.
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Refer to June 29, 2005 entry... [Apr. 9th, 2007|03:29 am]
Michael
[mood |complacentcomplacent]

It's funny that the more things change, the more things stay the same. I'm still in distant contact with Devin (refer to that part in the 05 entry)...but we will probably never get close. And it sucks cause I'm in love with someone who will likely never reciprocate my feelings. When I see him, we cuddle, kiss with amazing passion, and do *things with such, again, passion. He tells me he likes me and I tell him the same thing. Yet if we like each other, why can't he step up and be my man? Yeah, that hasn't changed in nearly two years. I saw him last about a month ago. Does he communicate with me? No. I'm about ready to just tell him to lose my number. Contacting me, telling me he likes me, me coming over, us doing things, and then us not talking for months, up to years is just tiring and has gotten to a big disappointment. I thought after this last "tryst (as it might as well be appropriately called)", he would step up and be my boyfriend. But apparently that won't happen. I have an apartment all to myself but apparently that's not motivating. It sucks. I'm just about ready to tell him to get rid of my number and never find me again. I'd be better off being chased by some dude just wanting a hookup than being chased erratically by some teaser dude whom I've fallen for and who I know likes me.

At least the hookup guy makes his intentions known and keeps them.

And my heart still has a fence around it. Funny how that hasn't changed either...events since then have solidified this, even though I'm capable of so much love and I'd love to express this with a caring, considerate man.
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Easter day [Apr. 9th, 2007|01:53 am]
Michael
[mood |calmcalm]

Well it's nearing 2am and I'm still up, but I feel like writing in here for a while. I'm still up late because I had to close (which means I worked from 4:30p to 1am). It's weird to work those hours because that's so late realistically, but I love working late. So while everyone else is in bed sleeping, I'm still working. But then again, I'm in a job where the traditional 9-5 routine doesn't work, but like I said, lucky for me I'm a night person and love those shifts. Anyways it's the day after Easter and I had a pretty good day. Actually I really didn't do too much except eat dinner at my parents and worked. I woke up at about 11am (I meant to do my homework early in the morning, but that sure didn't happen). I had to work the day before till 11p, but I stayed till 1pm to help out the closer, Sue. She's kinda a new head clerk, just stepped down from assistant store manager, so she's still rusty in the office. But I woke up this morning with this haze of tiredness, illness...just a weird haze that continued up until I started work at 4:30p. So I woke up, did homework, went to my parents house and had a GREAT dinner. My mom cooked ham and, yum yum! my favorite Lithuanian dish, Kougala (if that is spelled correctly). It's a potato pancake, basically, with bacon and onions...and with sour cream, it's the BEST!! The meal I will die with. So I ate there and my grandma joined us for dinner, so it was real nice to eat with the family. I must say that now that I have moved out on my own, it is the simple moments like those which I treasure. We don't really speak very much since nothing eventful really happens to us, but it's nice just to be there and enjoy a filling, nutritious meal. So that was a great dinner, which filled me up for work at 4:30. Of course since everyone and their mama shopped yesterday (even though, strangely, it wasn't as busy as it COULDA been (and let me tell you, in this parentheses within parentheses, we were packed)), it was fairly quiet. Yet I'm surprised that people still shopped...I mean come on, take one day off! It's weird that people paid bills, got money orders, shopped, kept coming in...I mean can't the world just take one day off and just REST, enjoy a holiday even though it is meant for Christians? Sure I was employed today, but I would rather like it if the world could slow commerce on holidays such as Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas and Fourth of July so that we can be closed and so we can celebrate with our families too! I mean I don't get it that we must stay open to absorb every last dollar from last-minute people on holidays, especially on Thanksgiving, Easter and (unfortunately) for those stores open on Christmas. Must commerce tempt people to wait or to just count that we'll be there on holidays? I think we should be closed because then employees can have nice holidays off. We count too and we deserve time with our loved ones. I've always been irked by the fact stores can't just shut down at least for the three major holidays of the year, but I guess that omnipresent money factor just has to keep business rolling regardless of the significance of the day. Whatever. But overall it was slow, yet we still could have used one more checker and bagger. Even on a slow day we are understaffed, but what's new?? I've become used to the fact we are never staffed right, so whatever. I'm still paid the same, much as I regret that attitude, and if we don't have enough help, well I can't break my back about it. Um so what else happened today...oh, I had to give a long verbal warning to one of our baggers, Tiffany. I swear ya'll, I've never seen an individual who acts so much like a diva in terms of saying "This isn't my job!" and frowns and gives attitude and rolls her eyes. Yes that's right...I asked her to do a task last night and she rolled her eyes at me! And let me tell you, people learn quick that they do NOT roll eyes at me or throw attitude at me!! And she did today. I told her that all us head clerks agree that she has a poor attitude and she's like "Well I didn't sign up for this" when I told her that she is to do whatever we ask. Of course I told her that yes, her job is to do whatever task we need. I told her she was appreciated since she doesn't feel that way and that everyone hates her, but that we are busy and we can't always state that. But I don't know...I think I was blown off and that this girl won't last. Have you ever talked to someone and they seemed to acknowledge what you told them, but you just know they are calling you a son of a bitch behind your back and probably aren't going to change? That's how I feel. Even though this girl acknowledged what I told her, I almost feel me and her are gonna tango again and that I will be writing her up. I guess we will see. What a job I have, huh?
Well that was Easter 2007...a pretty nice day overall. I think I will be heading to bed now. I'll be writing more tomorrow...goodnight.
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This ain't a scene, it's a death-arms-race [Apr. 6th, 2007|01:50 am]
Michael
I really need to put a better picture of myself on here because I totally do NOT look like that anymore. I think that picture is from when I was 17, but I'm 23 now and I've grown quite a bit. I've never liked that picture anyways, but when I'm going to update it...well that remains to be seen. I wanted to say that my last entry kind of was exaggerated,,,my life really isn't all that and I shouldn't complain to such an extent. I had a really bad day (in terms of I went postal at work over a mistake I made) and really, my emotions caved in badly. Yes I do have depression that I have fought and it comes and goes...it is clinical, always inside me, but it's not like I'm holding a knife to my chest as I made it out to be. I'll have to write more when I'm not ready for bedtime and when I'm clean and non-sweaty smelling as I am now. I was working out for hours, then went to Dennys with my friend and now-workout buddy John. It's SO AWESOME to have someone to work out with...I can tell that I'm gonna stay committed and get bigger. I hope so at least.
It is so awing to me to read my journal entries from the past and see how I have changed over the years. Who knew that six years from May 31, 2001, I would still be writing in this journal and that, inadvertently, I'd leave behind a time capsule documenting how I have grown up? It's really amazing in a way. I know I haven't been faithfully writing for the past two years, but I really need to. Man do I have a lot to write about...but since I have work at 9am, I can't stay up as I'd like to. So...I'm gonna go now. I'm surprised I got comments on my last entry...people actually still track me, huh? It's a compliment :) I will provide fodder for your entertainment tomorrow peeps...but now Mikey needs to rest his muscles. Literally. Cause I'm sore.
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The Trough [Apr. 3rd, 2007|01:45 am]
Michael
[mood |depresseddepressed]

I've made mistakes at work. School sucks and I can never be ahead...always perpetually behind. I have no motivation. I have fewer and fewer friends. I keep losing them. I don't do anything with my life. I am lonely. I don't believe in myself. I'm gaining weight after I had a nice six-pack. I have no love. My heart is still broken from Charlie. And I find it hard to trust anyone. I don't see myself being with anyone. Or having anyone pursue me. I am depressed. Been depressed for years, only now it has come to a head. I'm at the top in my job, yet I feel like I'm at the bottom. Looking up for answers, but only feeling sucked further into a black hole. I don't see the purpose of existing...what for? Who will really care?

How has my life degenerated into this?
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Thanksgiving, blah [Nov. 24th, 2006|06:55 am]
Michael
[mood |crankycranky]
[music |silence]

Well it's Thanksgiving Day today and it went okay for me. All I did was work from 8:30a until 6:30p. I'm amazed at the degree of people that actually MUST shop on Thanksgiving. I mean come on, can't we at least have a day off from going SOMEWHERE shopping-related?! Give us a break people! It was slammin with people getting their last-minute items, but all that shopping should have been done well before. Heavens to betsy. That's why I had to stay overtime and miss my family Thanksgiving dinner. I hope all you customers are happy...you made me late for my damn dinner!! Don't you feel bad now.
(I'm not in a great mood. Can't you tell?)
But I went over to my house later and my mom heated me a plate which was very very delicious. I watched the Broncos game where they proceeded to lose again. Denver sucks big now. I love watching football, love it!! Now that I understand the game and strategy, I so love following it!!! Yep Mike's turning into a big jock, but that's good.
And why I'm upset too is that Charlie totally blew me off when I was telling him I needed to write up a bagger on Saturday...said "I don't care" and cut me off telling me how he would do it. I didn't even tell him what the writeup was for! Yet he bitches to me about his work all the time and wants me to sit there listening to his bullshit. Um no, I don't THINK SO! He's done that to me before...doesn't seem to care about my work as if it's unimportant. So I called him on it today, but I don't know if he cared. Besides, he was drinking today with his friends, so I was put off already that I was talking to someone slightly fucked up. Very very aggravating. We'll see if he lets me talk about my work next time...then I'll know if he got my point today or not. Yeah and I told him I could get us tickets to the Broncos and he asked if his friend Emily could go. It'd be great except he's not out to her and I'd be just a "friend." So I told him no...not till she knows about us. I'm not sure if he's upset or cares.
Sometimes I wonder whether this is worth more than I'm willing to work for. Stupid ass arguments.
Anyways I'm thankful for a lot of things, but after some rest, maybe I will list them tomorrow. Right now I'm thankful I have a bed to crash on, so to there I head....
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(no subject) [Nov. 23rd, 2006|07:45 am]
Michael
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |The Weather Channel on now]

Oh man what a busy, busy day at the store today! Everybody and their mama came to King Soopers, but I liked it cause that pace is great for me. I'm always running around as it is, so business kept pace with me for once. It was the usual holiday rush. I get to write up one of our baggers too, gee won't that be fun on Saturday when he works next. Well I'd write more, but my baked potato is finished so gotta eat now.
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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2006|06:11 pm]
Michael
These times are not right either on my posts. The last post took place at 11am and the post before that was 4:20AM. Just so you're not confused
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